The Rule of Thirds: Releasing the Pressure to Please Everyone

In my younger years, I was obsessed with being liked by everyone. I never quite fit in. I was brutally bullied in elementary school and spent years trying to mimic trends I didn’t understand just to belong. But no matter how hard I tried, I missed the mark. And over the years, I spent all this effort trying to get approval, I lost myself.

Even as an adult, the pattern persisted. I became a chameleon—shifting tone, language, and presence based on the room I was in. I tried to be everyone’s person. I edited myself into oblivion, especially online. This blog you’re reading? I tried to start it over 20 years ago. But every time I drafted something, I combed through it line by line, imagining how someone might contradict me or reject it—and then I softened, erased, or reworded until the real message got lost.

Because this isn’t just writing, these posts hold pieces of my heart—and if they weren’t received well, it felt like I wasn’t either.

This went beyond fear of criticism. It was a deep internal dilemma: the desire to be seen and the instinct to hide. I played emotional peekaboo—one moment daring to share my heart, and the next disappearing completely.

This is especially true in the world of social media, where the stakes feel impossibly high. The cruelty can be swift and anonymous, and for anyone with tenderness still healing, the internet can feel like a minefield. Every post felt like a gamble: will this resonate, or will it rupture something in me?

The Freedom in Acceptance

About seven years ago, I came across something that changed how I think about being seen: the Rule of One Third.

It’s a simple idea:

• One third of people will love you.

• One third of people won’t like you.

• One third won’t care either way.

And that’s true no matter how “perfect” you are. It’s not a fixed mathematical formula, but a guiding principle—a liberating truth that not everyone will resonate with you, and that’s not just okay, it’s natural.

There will always be people who misunderstand you. People who challenge you. People who scroll past your work without a second thought. And there will be others who see you, feel you, and carry your words with them.

The point of sharing your truth isn’t to please the masses. It’s to reach the right ones. It sounds simple, but for someone like me—someone who tried to shape-shift their way into safety—it was revolutionary.

When I first heard this idea, I felt grief. All those years of trying to win over every critic, trying to be palatable to everyone, trying to anticipate every negative reaction—and here was a truth I couldn’t work around: I could do everything “right,” and still, only one-third of people would really get me.

But after the grief came relief. This concept gave me permission to stop exhausting myself in pursuit of universal approval. It taught me that rejection isn’t always about me, its about social constellations that I had no control over.

Refocusing on the Right Third

Instead of contorting ourselves to avoid rejection from the one-third who don’t get us—or chasing approval from the indifferent third—we get to turn toward the one-third who see us.

The truth is: we don’t need everyone. We need resonance. We need reciprocity. We need relationships—readers, clients, friends, companions—who recognize something in us because it reflects something in them.

That’s who I write for. That’s who I speak to. That’s who I serve. And honestly—it’s more than enough.

If You’re Struggling With Visibility

When you focus on the one third who resonate with your message, everything shifts. You stop chasing validation from those who will never offer it. You stop diluting your voice to be palatable. You stop shrinking out of fear of being too much or too little.

You start showing up for the people who are already listening.

You start showing up for yourself.

If you’ve been stuck in a loop of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or silence—afraid to show up as you are—I want you to try on this idea:

You’re not for everyone, but you’re going to resonate with people who are waiting for your words, your truth, your energy—exactly as you are.

That is the real permission to be seen—not perfectly and not universally—but authentically.