The Seven Inner Saboteurs: Naming the Voices That Keep Us Small

We all carry internal voices that interfere with growth, connection, or authenticity. These inner saboteurs often get in the way of us achieving our goals, hence they name—they sabotage us. But once upon a time, they were actually protective parts of us that once served a purpose. They helped us survive when we felt powerless. They helped us make sense of the world when we were young and vulnerable. And yet, as we grow, they begin to limit what we allow ourselves to experience. They keep us safe—by keeping us small.

When we name these voices, we create space between ourselves and our patterns. We begin to notice when these parts are speaking for us. And from that space, we gain the power to choose differently.

Here are the seven most common saboteurs I see in my work—along with the ones I know intimately in myself.

1. The Judge

Core Fear: That without constant vigilance, you or others will fall short and lose value.
Strategy: Criticism disguised as discernment. Constant assessment. Protection through control.

The Judge isn’t interested in nuance. It sees things in absolutes: right or wrong, good or bad, worthy or unworthy. When it’s turned inward, the Judge can leave you feeling like you’re never enough. When it turns outward, it distances you from others to keep you from getting hurt.

It pretends to be wise—but really, it’s afraid and sometimes just righteous, not right.

Media Mirror: Simon Cowell—blunt, confident, self-protective.

Practice: Notice when criticism comes before curiosity. Ask, “What am I trying to protect here?”

2. The Victim

Core Fear: That no matter what you do, you will end up alone, abandoned, or harmed.
Strategy: Resignation. Emotional withdrawal. Helplessness as shield.

The Victim believes things happen to them. They carry pain, often quietly, and assume others won't understand. Sometimes, they don’t speak up at all. Other times, their pain becomes the center of the story, a way to be seen when nothing else works.

Their sadness is old, and it's real and it can become an identity, rather than an emotion that moves.

Media Mirrors: Moaning Myrtle, Eeyore.

Practice: Reclaim your agency by choosing one thing you can shift. Ask: “What do I need that I haven’t voiced?”

3. The Perfectionist

Core Fear: That without flawlessness, you won't be safe, loved, or respected.
Strategy: Overachieving, over-editing, over-performing.

The Perfectionist is always scanning for error. She thinks if she gets it "just right," she can earn rest or love. But perfection is unachievable because the finish line can never be crossed as the bar keeps moving. The work is never done. The pressure becomes the point.

Her world is full of polished surfaces, but inside, she carries tension and fear.

Media Mirror: Martha Stewart—poised, pristine, relentless.

Practice: Let things be unfinished. Choose one area to release control. Ask, “What would it feel like this is good enough for now?”

4. The Controller

Core Fear: That if you let go, everything will fall apart—including you.
Strategy: Managing, fixing, planning, anticipating.

The Controller runs on adrenaline. She's the one keeping everyone else together, including herself. She doesn’t trust that things will work out unless she handles them personally. She often confuses urgency with importance.

The truth is, she learned early that the only way to feel safe was to manage everything.

Media Mirror: Gordon Ramsay or Monica Geller—demanding, exacting, afraid to rest.

Practice: Name what’s in your control—and what isn’t. Let something be "good enough."

5. The Cynic

Core Fear: That caring will make you foolish.
Strategy: Sarcasm, detachment, skepticism.

The Cynic is deeply sensitive but hides it behind a wall of wit. They don’t want to be disappointed again, so they predict failure before hope has a chance. They mistake sharpness for strength. Their armor is coolness, but underneath, they care a lot.

Media Mirrors: House, Rosa Diaz, Chandler Bing.

Practice: Let one thing matter. Practice hope in small ways. Ask: “What would I risk if I let myself care?”

6. The Avoider

Core Fear: That what they feel is too much to handle.
Strategy: Numbing, procrastination, distraction.

The Avoider knows something needs attention, but they’re afraid of what they might find. So they scroll. Clean. Work. Reorganize. Stay busy. They avoid pain by avoiding presence.

But avoidance doesn’t erase what’s real—it just delays healing.

Media Mirror: Peter Gibbons (Office Space), Don Draper.

Practice: Start small. Sit with one discomfort for 60 seconds. Ask: “What have I been avoiding that actually wants to be witnessed?”

7. The People-Pleaser

Core Fear: That if they stop accommodating, they’ll be rejected.
Strategy: Self-silencing, over-agreeing, emotional shapeshifting.

The People-Pleaser wants to be good, to be liked, to belong. They often feel responsible for everyone’s comfort. Their own preferences are blurry because they’re constantly scanning for what’s expected of them.

They mistake love for approval. They mistake peace for compliance.

Media Mirrors: Janet (The Good Place), Amy Santiago.

Practice: Say one true thing. Let someone else hold the discomfort. Ask: “If I trusted I was still loved, what would I say no to?”

These Voices Speak Pain—Not Truth

When you realize that these saboteurs are protective strategies that became overgrown, you can excavate the pain and assess a new strategy forward. At one point, they were brilliant—but if they’re leading your life, it may be time to reassign their roles. You don’t have to exile them, but don’t give them the keys to drive your life.

Often, they just need to be heard once, and thanked before moving on. Other times, feel free to give them “the bird” (I am talking to you Martha and Simon!) and follow your dreams without any hesitation.