7 REASONS TO NOT BE AFRAID TO DIE
I rarely show baby pictures of myself for a reason: I had this an awful black mark on the side of my head that everyone asks about. That black mark is called Congenital Melanocystic Nevi. A fancy way of saying: you are born with something that if untreated could kill you. Of course, in the 80s, it was a much more serious issue than it is today. Doctors and scientists were nearly certain that it was a terminal skin disease so they told my mom: “not to get too close to me,” because babies with this condition don’t typically live beyond 5 years. Thankfully for me and many of those who are afflicted with CMN, studies and prognosis are much better than were previously predicted.
However, that didn’t keep me from three surgeries as an infant, nor the ridiculous amount of sunscreen my mom lathered all over me and my fear of the sun. It also left me with an early knowledge and awareness that all life has an expiration date. That knowledge consumed me through my teenage years and it wasn’t until the unexpected death of a friend at 16, did I lose the fear of impending death. At the time, I realized that I could die from the impending melanoma sometime in the near or far future, or I could die suddenly today in a car accident with no warnings. Then suddenly, I not only accepted death, I accepted the finite time of life.
I share this now, because death and I are becoming reacquainted with the passing of my mom. And as I struggle with acceptance of her death, I find myself consumed by the BIG WHY behind it all and to uncover some meaning and purpose to life. And, lately, the answer to my ponderings have been a great silence. Then today a message came through that revisited some of my earlier learnings: our time alive is sacred and our fear of death can undermine the true essence of life. Life is not meant to be lived consumed by fear of death, but for us to create meaning for ourselves.
1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE: FEAR OF DEATH IS UNIVERSAL
“Death is the enemy. The first enemy and the last…The enemy always wins. And we still need to fight him.” - Beric Dondarrion (Game of Thrones S:7, E:6)
No matter where people go in the world, there is fear: the fear of war, the fear of cancer, the fear of crime and murder in our cities; and the commonality of some of these fears can be often translated into the fundamental fear of death.
Many people across the world find themselves afraid of the mysterious unknown to which we are all fated at the time of death. It is the mystery that haunts us, the unanswered questions that lay beyond this life, and how, in our minds, we can never truly know or comprehend the existence of life after death.
Some have come to fear death so much that they either become completely obsessed with fear, or they disassociate from it entirely, this is somewhat natural as humanity naturally fears what cannot be comprehended or controlled. And neither are acceptable coping methods. We need to integrate our fear into a harmony by finding a way to healthily accept our mortality. What I mean by this is that we can blend the fear of death into our lives by being mindful of our daily life experiences, finding gratitude in even the most difficult of situations, and living consciously, every day.
My thoughts around the basic fears and phobias of death is to try not to conceptualize it in your mind. The truth surrounding death is that it is beyond our brain's comprehension. In our early history, humans have attempted to understand the mysteries of the world by creating myths of great gods and they attempted to understand and honor death by performing rituals to help transition the dead into the spirit world. They did this because they honored and revered death as a sacred transition and release of the soul from the confines of the body. My recommendation if you struggle with lingering fear of death, try to quiet your mind, sink into your heart and find that inner wisdom of your soul, there you will find the truth that lies beyond death: that we are eternal.
2. COPING WITH THE UNKNOWN AFTER DEATH
There has always been speculation on what comes after death. And, sadly, no one seems to know for sure if there is any existence after the human body dies. Our current scientific methods and tools are too primitive to accurate test aspects of the spirit and the spirit world. As science pushes up against a new frontier, seeking to understand a new level of life, consciousness, and death, scientists are now steering away from materialist views and methods to understand the etheric forces of life. This is paving way for a new scientific era of Post-Materialist studies.
Post-Materialist studies understands that our current scientific methods are limited in analyzing not only if consciousness survives after death, but also what the heck even is consciousness. Today’s methods can neither support nor deny the existence of consciousness and life after death. Ironically, it is a void and a complete unknown in the fabric of understanding our existence through science.
However, some physicists , including Nikola Tesla, believe that our brain is a receiver and there is a host that is sending the signal of consciousness to our brain. This is the basis of Simulation Theory, where the world and lives we lead are constructs of a simulation and our true essence is being downloaded in from another place outside this dimension.
The truth is that we may never have definitive proof. We may never have access to anything that will remotely confirm or deny the existence of life after death. In fact, if I was the "Creator," I would ensure that humanity would never be able to know for sure. I would always want to leave just a little bit of doubt, because knowing that life comes to an end, makes the essence of life richer. If you want to dive deeper into what I am saying, I recommend that you watch The Discovery on Netflix. It is an incredibly thought-provoking film that makes you question the essence of life and what would happen to humanity if there was "proof" of life after death. Human behaviors completely shift when in minor and major hardships, and humans essentially "give up" on life.
Life is meant for us to live in its whole experience: the highs, the lows, the thrills, the tragedies, the love, and the heartache. From all those experiences, we are able to expand our spiritual growth through resiliency and strengthen our character. If we had definitive proof of life after death, how many of us would have hit that reset button?
Where science ends, wonder begins. And in that liminal space, perhaps spirit lives.
3. EXISTENCE BEYOND THE VOID
Death is nothing else but going home to God, the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity. -Mother Theresa
The ego is the veil between humans and God. - Rumi
The ancient philosopher Epicurus believed that death is an annihilation, where the atoms in the core of the mind disperse during the process of death. His perspective is that death is mere nothingness: a void. Socrates further explained that if death is nothing more than slipping into the void, then it would be similar to that of a dreamless sleep. It is said that in a dreamless sleep, we feel peace and comfort. I think that is nice, but not entirely accurate: we wouldn’t feel anything because we wouldn’t be aware of anything. It would be a complete surrender of our senses. It would be a surrender of everything we hold onto, not only our consciousness, but our self-awareness and our attachment to the material world, including our material selves. The complete annihilation, the death of the ego, of our complete essence can be terrifying. And, it can make our lives seem pretty meaningless as well.
Some modern day philosophers agree that death is the return to the nothingness that preceded our birth. And, some spiritualists actually agree, but also disagree. They believe that in birth, we lose our memories of everything that came before and once we pass through "the veil of death," all memories are restored.
Regardless of whether or not we enter into the void or pass through the veil, our lives end and we return to where our consciousness began. Our souls go home, where I truly believe they enter into a new dimension that is not comprehensible to the constructs of our mind.
Even if there is only silence, let it be a sacred silence — not absence, but rest. Not oblivion, but return to from whence we came.
4. CONSISTENCIES IN AFTERLIFE IN MYTHOLOGY AND RELIGION
“There is only one god and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: Not today.” – Sirio Forel [George R.R. Martin]
Across cultures and centuries, humanity has whispered the same truth in a thousand different tongues: the soul continues.
For the Ancient Greeks, you would cross the River of Styx’s in hopes of finding your way to the Elysian Fields.
For the Egyptians, your heart would be weighed by Anubis to determine if it was lighter than a feather so that you could proceed to the afterlife.
For our new Western Religions, God and his angels are waiting if you lived a good, faithful life.
For the Hindu’s death is but a transition from one state of being to another without clear heaven or hell.
Native American’s believed the spirit world regularly interacts with the physical world and in some tribes, it is believed that souls choose to reincarnate.
While it is true that humanity has been gifted with storytelling and that all these myths could just be little stories to soothe our fears. I do not believe that Gods and Angels are like Santa Claus; a ploy to make people "be good" for a reward; it is much, much more than that. I have seen so many commonalities and so many recurring themes (which I will share in a later blog post) that the coincidences are truly remarkable. More than that though, humanity has created purpose to their lives through death. And, it is not just "good enough to live," but to live a moral, selfless life, you will be rewarded in the afterlife.
Whether you want to believe in God, or many Gods, judgment, rivers, and feathers, one thing is for certain, death is not the last stop; nearly all mythologies and religions state that existence continues.
5. HELL IS A PLACE OF REHABILITATION
“In the evening of life, you will be judged on love.” -John of the Cross.
I am not a fan of the concept of eternal hell. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me. First of all, let’s talk about judgment. We are all flawed. We all make choices that are poor and we learn to live and learn from the consequences of those actions. If we were to arrive in the afterlife and be judged by someone other than ourselves, what would this judge base their judgments on? Quantity: how many good deeds versus bad deeds? Quality: some deeds are worth more and had bigger impact. Intention: Mistakes were made but the intent was something else. Time: At a single point in time, in the beginning or end of one’s life, they were perceived as a “good person.”
In many religions, love is honored above faith and knowledge, especially when it comes to where you end up in the afterlife. This is for good reason: I, like many, believe we are beings of eternal love. In life, sometimes our human nature and earthly fears and desires fog up our awareness that we are beings of love. I believe that in the afterlife, we choose our judgments that we instill upon ourselves. If we lived a life in which we transition into the great beyond feeling guilt, resentment, frustration, and other low vibrations, we may be not able to transcend into a higher consciousness of love. We may not be able to get unstuck from these intense feelings because we may not be able to forgive and accept ourselves for the mistakes we've made in our lives.
“if I had a ticket to heaven and you didn’t have one too, I’d tear my ticket to pieces and go through hell with you.” – unknown
So, okay, we can get stuck in our own internal torment and lack of acceptance, but I don’t believe we can stay in that place forever. This reminds me of the movie What Dreams May Come (Spoiler Alert), when the husband learns that after his death, his wife, distraught from grief, took her own life and is living in her personal hell. The husband chooses to leave his heaven and journey through hell to save her. When he arrives, he is left with a choice: say goodbye to her (because essentially she is a lost cause) and feel better that “you did what you could” or stay with her in her hell. He chooses to stay with her, knowing that her hell would soon be his own. Of course, I am already ruining most of the movie, but it I will spoil one last thing: it has a happy ending. Anyway, this movie illustrates unconditional love beautifully because I know that if someone I loved was in that place of torment, I would do anything and everything to not only be with them, but do my best to help them to transcend their consciousness from torment into love.
6. NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES AND SEEING PASSED LOVED ONES
“Those who have had near-death experiences will tell you that realm is far more real than this world, more crisp, vibrant, alive.” – Dr Eben Alexander
The “light at the end of the tunnel” is a very common occurrence in Near Death Experiences (NDE). Some quantum physicists believe that this light is actually a wormhole that distorts space and time to transport the spirit from the body to the afterlife. While others think that it is our brain misfiring in the visual center of our brain. Regardless, it is widely believed that the light that is often seen at the time of death is a bridge between the two worlds.
In a NDE, it is said that one feels love and peace (not a sense of nothingness like the void we previously mentioned) and that there are deceased loved ones on the other side welcoming them “home." Generally speaking, these are experiences are overwhelmingly warm and comforting. What is more astonishing is that this experience is actually very common among those who have knocked on death’s door, this experience is shared by individuals world-wide despite their religious beliefs.
In my time as a Hospice Volunteer, we were trained not to deny "Deathbed Visions." While these individuals had terminal illnesses and were not expected to survive, their experiences in dying is very similar to those who have had NDEs. In nearly all the deaths I have witnessed, the dying was visited by one, or even many, family members who already departed. The experiences were overwhelmingly comforting and the dying actually seem eager to transition.
7. LEAVE A LEGACY
Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you could leave on earth. - Rick Warren
When I think of death, I think of how it gives life meaning. I cannot guarantee that my soul or my consciousness will survive after death. However, what I do know is that my body will die and I will no longer interact with this physical world as I once did. This motivates me to leave a lasting impact on the world by pursuing my passions, being kind to people, and trying to leave the world a little better than it was.
Creating a legacy through kindness and purpose allows some essence of me to live on in the world and continue to impact others. I could ask for no greater gift than to know that my work, my children, my passions continue on after I die.
What we love becomes our echo. What we create becomes a constellation others can follow.
MOVING TO ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE THROUGH LIVING A PURPOSEFUL LIFE
Love is intended to last longer than time, to span the veil of death, and continue everlastingly. -Robert L. Millett
Our fear of death shouldn’t remove us from life, but enhance it by living a life that means something for you. At the end of your life will you be asking yourself if you lived a life of meaning? Will you ask yourself if you loved enough? Will you die with regrets?
When it is time to move from this world to the next, I believe our love will light the way through the veil into the afterlife. If we continue to go through life focusing on what really mattered: loving and being loved, I know we will be at peace in the hour of death and we shall no longer be afraid.
Please leave me a comment if you found this post helpful. Also, I would love any and all feedback, and I am open to having some great conversations.